Saturday, February 13, 2010

Advertisement: Rain Gods Available for Hire

Have you been experiencing a crippling absence of cloudbursts?

Are you in desperate need of a downpour?

Would you sell your soul for a sprinkle?

Well worry no more! Give the offices of Crannell, Smyth and Emma a call today! We promise to bring precipitation to your town within twenty four hours of our arrival, or your money back- guaranteed!* Simply pay our travel, lodging and food expenses and we will bring the rain to your town by the time we arrive. Many customers' weather patterns have been influenced simply with the threat of our arrival!

We have over 50 years (85 if you include the dog years) of combined experience bringing rain to cities across the country. Why in just the past month we've:
  • brought 5 inches of snow to Marietta, OK,
  • 7 inches of snow or more to Arkansas in locations such as Fayetteville, Eureka Springs, Jasper, and Heber Srings,
  • rain to Louisiana from Shreveport to New Orleans,
  • snow to Mobile, Alabama
  • torrential downpours to Pensacola,
  • and a hard freeze to Tallahassee, Florida.
If your crops need rain, book now as our travel schedule is filling up fast! In the event we are unavailable for your particular dates, we can send one of our associates. While Christy doesn't specialize in rain, she has been bringing unseasonable weather to her travel destinations for years now!

We're excited about our upcoming dates in Georgia, the Carolinas and Washington, DC! Call to catch our latest adventures today!

*No actual money back whatsoever.


  1. Keep these posts coming. They bring a smile to this tired old face.

    Love you two!

  2. I brought the worst typhoon in a decade both times I went to Japan. I'd love to join you.

  3. This totally explains the amazing winter we've had in the Pacific Northwest. Although you are missed up here tremendously, it's nice to have a break from the rainy winter.

  4. Yeah, the three times I've tried to go to Louisiana, I was thwarted by a hurricane. Apparently LA doesn't need the likes of ME darkening their doors. Incidentally, I was in Hawaii last week, and all it did was rain too...kinda funny, since they were trying to sell me on the "it's always sunny here" thing, soon modified to "It's always sunny when you're not here..." :) Brilliant post, though - I love it!